Skinny Clothes....

Yesterday I decided to sell my "skinny" clothes...or most of them anyways. 

I seriously cried getting them all out and posting them.

But I figured I know I won't be in them this summer, and we are hoping my hormones even out so we can try for another baby by the end of the year, so there's a good chance I won't be in them next summer either. 

And honestly it's more important to me to grow my family than lose weight. I want to make sure I am healthy enough to carry a baby and that is my goal for now! I may not like how I look in the mirror or in any of my clothing, but getting my body somewhat healthy is what I need to focus on right now.

Saying goodbye to some of my favorite shirts I had when I was (to me) skinny was tough! In a way I felt like I was giving up on ever getting to be that size again, but I know that's not the case. It's just going to take time to get there! So I figured I'll get to enjoy new clothes as I (hopefully) lose weight.

There are a few changes coming in my life too that could help as far as the weight goes, but I will post more on that next week when I know for a fact what will be happening!

NSV Of The Week

So I haven't weighed myself for about a week now. I hated seeing either go up or stay the same so for now I'm not using the scale.

I do measure though, we'll at least around my belly. And I again have lost inches!!

My NSV for this week though is that I was able to get back into my size 14 jeans!! After having my baby last year I wore a 14 until Oct/Nov and then I went into a 16 and wouldn't let myself go any higher. I was so excited I was able to just pull the 14's back on this past week! 

As far as everything else goes, I've been trying to find my happy medium. With how my body is I need to figure out how much I can actually eat without gaining weight. Once I do that then I'm going to add in more exercise and see if I do ok with eating that amount and exercising more often. I feel like I've had to wipe out everything that I'm use to doing to lose weight, because it simply won't work for me anymore. It's been hard trying to forget that mindset and try to completely establish a new one that I have to make up on my own. 

I read a comment from a girl the other day about what her doctor told her about the Leptin resistance,"You could go anorexic, starve yourself completely, and you would still be overweight! Because your brain thinks your skinny, it doesn't understand there is fat on your body to burn. The trouble with this is that you can lose weight if you exercise a lot, but it will be hard to do so because anything you put into your body your brain uses to make everything else function. So if you exercise a lot your going to feel exhausted, if you can get use to that and keep going then you will lose weight, if not you'll either maintain your weight or gain."

I felt like that better explains what exactly is going on with me. It's so hard to understand it! I know I'm overweight, I see it in the mirror, I get it, how can my brain the thing that makes me understand I'm overweight not recognize, in the parts that control how my body functions and works, that I am overweight? It's so complex to me! 

There are my rumblings for now. I'm hoping the inches will hopefully keep coming off this next week! 

Just The Usual

Well the scale isn't moving, so I reset my ticker to show what my gain was...yuck! I did lose some inches though so that's a plus!

You probably guessed by me not updating anymore last week that I fell off doing T25...which I know is sad since its only 25 minutes! I decided I wanted to paint my bathroom though and that took over a couple of the days workouts. And I don't know if its because of all the health issues I have but I just feel so exhausted this week. I'm keeping my eating in check though so I'm hoping if I can do that with a little exercise I'll at least maintain until I feel like I can do more.

It may just be because I'm dealing with a lot of personal issues to...I honestly have been feeling the quote "When it rains, it pours!" And honestly it's been pouring for a couple months now. I try and go through life with a smile on my face and not let anyone know and try and act like I'm ok...it's been really hard to do so lately. I'm hoping a few of these things will be over in the next couple of weeks, others right now it doesn't feel like they will ever go away. With it all I feel like I'm just stuck with this huge wall in front of me I can't break through or climb over, or anytime I try I just fall and end up  back at square one, upset/sad, and not knowing what to do.  I feel like that's why I will go through these intervals with exercising, I'll do ok for awhile and then another rock will hit me and knock me down and it takes me a while to want and try again. I really want to break through this and I'm really trying to, I hope it won't take to much longer!

For now that's all.