Its finally official!!!

I finally hit 199 today!!! I'm so happy and excited. I even scared my little boy after I weighed because I jump and yelped in glee:) I'm so proud of myself to get to this point!! I've wanted to weigh at least what I did before I got pregnant by my sons birthday and it looks like that's going to happen or at least I hope. I have 8 days to lose 2 pounds. I just feel so good right now. I don't mean to gloat, I'm just so excited!! Its been almost 2 years since I was in the 100's so I'm celebrating!! Thank you all for all your support and encouragement, you all keep me going!!

Non-Scale Victories

Today when I weighed the scale said I only have .4 pounds to lose to be in one-derland. Of course I was thrilled!! As the day went on I found myself not eating very good things. The biggest one being graham crackers with frosting in the middle!! I've been trying very hard to figure out what has caused me to gain all this weight. Yes I know eating everything in sight was what caused it, but the emotional part I've never really figured out. I sat down and started thinking back to the times when I have lost weight and tried to remember the times when I would fall off the wagon, and ultimately when the weight start to pour on for the first time. I knew I started gaining weight when I hit puberty, but it wasn't just a little bit and I ate like crap too. As I started to remember things the times I would gain were times of great stress, or when I was scared of failing. Before the age of 12-13 I was never really heavy, I was tall for my age peaking at 12 and at that time being taller than most the boys in my grade. But I wouldn't have thought of myself as big, overweight, or fat. By the time I was 13 I had put on some weight I was 150-160ish pounds and when your that age girls start being dumb and judgie. So I always thought I was so huge! That same year my grandfather who I was extremely close with, he was pretty much what I considered my dad growing up-no offense to my dad, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was very advanced and they only gave him 6 months to live. I was devastated! Thinking back I think around that time is when I started to emotional eat and take comfort in food. I also remembered from that point times where my grandma on the other side would make comments about my size, height, and overall how I looked, and how cousins of mine weren't the way I was so they were better. It really bugged me and made me so upset and sad so I would comfort myself with candy and junk food. Then I remembered being in the the 8th grade and went in for a meeting with the counselor where they map out your plan for classes and what you wanna be when you get older. I had set my classes for the next 4 year pretty high and was going to have a ton of college credits by the time I graduated. The counselor told me I was crazy and that I would never be able to do it. I was able to stick with my pan for the first few years of high school, but when I started being involved with sports I didn't stick with it and wasn't able to take the classes I wanted or didn't get the grades I wanted. I started feeling like a failure and thus once again finding comfort in food. Being involved with managing sports in high school I think helped me to lose a little weight and I really liked it. Senior year came and started with a bang our football team which I managed took state, it was the biggest highlight for me in high school!! I even got a ring:) After that things started to go down hill, my dad lost his job and when I applied to the school I wanted to go to my financial aid info. got all mixed up and they weren't able to process it in time to start in the fall. I fell to pieces after that and felt awful about my life, my self, and just me! The 20-30 pounds I lost during high school made its way back on in a few months. Then winter came and I moved out and went to school, and had amazing roommates that strived to be health and helped me so much. I moved home that summer and meet my husband after our wedding I gained about 30lbs. I decided to diet and lost that weight and then found out I was pregnant-6 months into my pregnancy I said to heck with it and ate whatever I wanted. Remembering back to all those times, I did find alot of it was I was trying to comfort myself because of certain events. I also found when I would lose weight there was something else that would happen. As I got pondering about it even more I found I would lose around 30 pounds or to around 200lbs. or alittle under and quit! I'd get to that point and start eating the ways I did before. First thing that came to my mind was I must have just felt comfortable with myself at that point. But even at 200lbs. I never thought I looked good or felt good about myself. As I dug deeper and remembering my feelings I came to the conclusion that I would quit because I thought I wouldn't get to my goals and finish the processes. So I figured I've lost this much so far its a decent amount and I look ok, so instead of working harder and proving people wrong I'll just stop now so I don't fail. This way I've lost some and look better than I did so thats good enough. As I was thinking this I realized I'm starting to kinda fall into that train of thought and becoming comfortable with myself. I'm eating things that I shouldn't be-most are still in moderation but it takes everything I have to just stop at one or a couple. And my exercising since I stopped the 30 day Shred as been horrible. I'm still losing but not really trying to. As I sat and realized this I told myself you are not going to do this again!! Stop eating all this S*I* and get yourself together. You know how people looked at you 42 pounds ago, and how horrible you felt don't go back to that. Keep moving forward you just have to lose what you already have again. You proved you can lose 42 pounds and thats all you have to lose again. Keep with it!! That was the moment I knew this time was different!! I've never pushed myself this hard, or believed in myself enough to keep with it. This time I will. There's no way I am giving up on this. I'm sure I will have other things come up about times when I gained and things I felt and did, I'll worry about those when it happens for now I am happy to have realized this and get over this hurdle. So yes I consider this a NSV! Sorry its so long! I also had another NSV today. I realized when I got out of the shower that I can actually wrap the towel all the way around me! Before I could around my chest but from there the towel just V out. Today it didn't do that it took me by surprise:) Another good note for the day, we bought another car!! I'm in love with it too. It's a 2007 white dodge caliber. That only has 45,000 miles on it and get awesome gas mileage. It has some awesome features too. It's going to be so nice to have my own car again, instead of trying to schedule walks and to go do things around my husbands crazy schedule. I know most will probably think you can walk from around your neighborhood for walks but my neighborhood creeps me out!!

Swimsuits,Pressing On, & Halfway?

Like I said in my last post the past few weeks have been rough without much weight loss. For about 2 & 1/2 weeks I just went back and forth between 38.2 and 39.6 pounds lost and no matter what I did I couldn't get through the 40lb. barrier. This week I will admit hasn't been my best with exercising. I did get in some sort of exercise 5 out of 7 days but I just felt like crap because it wasn't what I normally do. Friday morning I woke up to a loss which put me at 40lbs. lost!! I was so excited. I was high on calories Wednesday and then low on Thursday and then repeated it again Friday and Saturday, and Sunday I had another pound lose!! Which now I only have .4 to lose to be HALF WAY!! I'm super stoked. Plus in 1.8 pounds I will hit One-derland, which I wanted to be at the first of April, but I hope I can hit it this week. Little nervous though because TOM is suppose to start today YUCK!! I also can't figure out for the life of me why I am so sore. I didn't start the Ripped in 30 yet, and did the elliptical 2 nights ago but it never makes me sore. The last two days have been miserable though, I can't squat down, walk, cross my legs, or seems like anything without my butt and and back of my legs killing me. I have no idea what has caused it either. I'm hoping it will ease up soon so I can start Ripped and get back into my regular routine again.

I have a little less than 14 weeks until our vacation we are going on! Which would mean to hit my goal by then I would need to lose just under 3 pounds a week. Lately I've been lucky if I lose a whole 2! I'm hoping knowing we will be in the pool constantly especially in horribly hot temperatures will keep me motivated. There's nothing I want more right now than to be able to look awesome when we go. The other day I took my husband to school(luxury of only having one car-hoping that will change soon) and then I went to a few stores. Here in good'ole Utah we have a store that sells awesome cami's and tees. They are long and oh so comfy. I ran in to get a couple because the ones I have are starting wear out. As I walked in the door they had the cutest swimming suits! I have a weakness for swim suits, not sure why as I look horrible in them and have always wore cover-ups over them! So I glanced over at them and then went to go pick out the shirts I wanted. I then went back and looked at them, they were all so cute. I fell in love with all 6 they had, the prices not so much. $48 for the top and $26 for the bottom. To me that's just outrageous! I always buy mine off clearance/sales racks and at the most probably spent $20 on a suit before. As I was standing there in utter shock over the prices, one of the workers came over to me and said they were running a special where if you bought the top you got the bottom for free, plus the tops were 30% off too. So for the set it was around $33. I also remembered I had an email with a 50% off my purchase there and asked if there was a way they could take it off my phone and the lady said yes. Now my hubby decided to walk there from school, and got there right about then. I of course checked with him to see if it was ok. Lets be honest he pretty much lets me get whatever I want!! (He's awesome!) I asked him what one he liked the most, he said he he like all but 2 and it was mostly because they were solid colors. He then saw the price tags and started to giving me grief and couldn't believe I'd be willing to spend $74 on a swimming suit. I explained the sale and my coupon and he relaxed. He asked me how much each one would cost I figured it out and it was about $17 for the set. He's like well just get all 4 its about the same price for one at regular price and your going to need them for Cali. since your others are going to be too big!! (Such a sweety!) So with that plus the shirts I bought it was about $80 total:) with a savings of $246. I love..Love...LOVE it when I save more than I spend especially on cute things.

So I bought the tops in mediums :s I fit into most large shirts right now so I'm hoping by July I will look decent in a medium. The bottoms I bought in a large, my hips are being stubborn and being the slowest part of my body to lose. So I figured better safe than sorry. I'm hoping these will keep me motivated to keep up with everything too. The thing I want the most right now is to look smokin' when we go! I've lost 41 in 11 weeks, hoping I can lose that much in the next 14. I know its going to be alot harder, but I want it bad!!

Here are some pictures of what my swim suits look like! Of course I'm not the super tiny model in them