Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Skinny Clothes....

Yesterday I decided to sell my "skinny" clothes...or most of them anyways. 

I seriously cried getting them all out and posting them.

But I figured I know I won't be in them this summer, and we are hoping my hormones even out so we can try for another baby by the end of the year, so there's a good chance I won't be in them next summer either. 

And honestly it's more important to me to grow my family than lose weight. I want to make sure I am healthy enough to carry a baby and that is my goal for now! I may not like how I look in the mirror or in any of my clothing, but getting my body somewhat healthy is what I need to focus on right now.

Saying goodbye to some of my favorite shirts I had when I was (to me) skinny was tough! In a way I felt like I was giving up on ever getting to be that size again, but I know that's not the case. It's just going to take time to get there! So I figured I'll get to enjoy new clothes as I (hopefully) lose weight.

There are a few changes coming in my life too that could help as far as the weight goes, but I will post more on that next week when I know for a fact what will be happening!

Monday, July 29, 2013

NSV Of The Week

So I haven't weighed myself for about a week now. I hated seeing either go up or stay the same so for now I'm not using the scale.

I do measure though, we'll at least around my belly. And I again have lost inches!!

My NSV for this week though is that I was able to get back into my size 14 jeans!! After having my baby last year I wore a 14 until Oct/Nov and then I went into a 16 and wouldn't let myself go any higher. I was so excited I was able to just pull the 14's back on this past week! 



As far as everything else goes, I've been trying to find my happy medium. With how my body is I need to figure out how much I can actually eat without gaining weight. Once I do that then I'm going to add in more exercise and see if I do ok with eating that amount and exercising more often. I feel like I've had to wipe out everything that I'm use to doing to lose weight, because it simply won't work for me anymore. It's been hard trying to forget that mindset and try to completely establish a new one that I have to make up on my own. 

I read a comment from a girl the other day about what her doctor told her about the Leptin resistance,"You could go anorexic, starve yourself completely, and you would still be overweight! Because your brain thinks your skinny, it doesn't understand there is fat on your body to burn. The trouble with this is that you can lose weight if you exercise a lot, but it will be hard to do so because anything you put into your body your brain uses to make everything else function. So if you exercise a lot your going to feel exhausted, if you can get use to that and keep going then you will lose weight, if not you'll either maintain your weight or gain."
I felt like that better explains what exactly is going on with me. It's so hard to understand it! I know I'm overweight, I see it in the mirror, I get it, how can my brain the thing that makes me understand I'm overweight not recognize, in the parts that control how my body functions and works, that I am overweight? It's so complex to me! 

There are my rumblings for now. I'm hoping the inches will hopefully keep coming off this next week! 


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Just The Usual

Well the scale isn't moving, so I reset my ticker to show what my gain was...yuck! I did lose some inches though so that's a plus!

You probably guessed by me not updating anymore last week that I fell off doing T25...which I know is sad since its only 25 minutes! I decided I wanted to paint my bathroom though and that took over a couple of the days workouts. And I don't know if its because of all the health issues I have but I just feel so exhausted this week. I'm keeping my eating in check though so I'm hoping if I can do that with a little exercise I'll at least maintain until I feel like I can do more.

It may just be because I'm dealing with a lot of personal issues to...I honestly have been feeling the quote "When it rains, it pours!" And honestly it's been pouring for a couple months now. I try and go through life with a smile on my face and not let anyone know and try and act like I'm ok...it's been really hard to do so lately. I'm hoping a few of these things will be over in the next couple of weeks, others right now it doesn't feel like they will ever go away. With it all I feel like I'm just stuck with this huge wall in front of me I can't break through or climb over, or anytime I try I just fall and end up  back at square one, upset/sad, and not knowing what to do.  I feel like that's why I will go through these intervals with exercising, I'll do ok for awhile and then another rock will hit me and knock me down and it takes me a while to want and try again. I really want to break through this and I'm really trying to, I hope it won't take to much longer!

For now that's all.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Leptin Hormone

Have any of you ever heard of it? I hadn't until the last time I went to the doctor. She had told me how it was a relatively new thing they are learning about. And how it usually goes hand in hand with thyroid problems, being over weight, and over eating. So she suggested I get tested to see what my level was at.
It took a lot longer to get my test back than I thought it would! And I really hadn't given the leptin thing much thought. Then I got the call yesterday about all my blood work. My thyroid was a little off like I thought, my vitaminD is still really low, still insulin resistant, and now so is my Leptin. 
Let me explain what Leptin is though. Leptin is a protein that's made in the fat cells, circulates in the bloodstream, and goes to the brain. Leptin is the way your fat cells tell your brain that your energy thermostat is set right. Leptin tells your brain that you have enough energy stored in your fat cells to engage in normal, relatively expensive metabolic processes. In other words, when leptin levels are at a certain threshold -- for each person, it's probably genetically set -- when your leptin level is above that threshold, your brain senses that you have energy sufficiency, which means you can burn energy at a normal rate, eat food at a normal amount, engage in exercise at a normal rate, and you can engage in expensive processes, like puberty and pregnancy. 
But when people diet, they eat less and their fat cells lose some fat, which then decreases the amount of leptin produced. Let's say you starve, let's say you have decreased energy intake, let's say you lose weight. Now your leptin level goes below your personal leptin threshold. When it does that, your brain senses starvation. That can occur at any leptin level, depending on what your leptin threshold is.Your brain senses that and says, ‘Hey, I don't have the energy onboard that I used to. I am now in a starvation state,'.Then several processes begin within the body to drive leptin levels back up. One includes stimulation of the vagus nerve, which runs between the brain and the abdomen. "The vagus nerve is your energy storage nerve. Now the vagus nerve is turned on, so you get hungrier. Every single thing the vagus nerve does…[is] designed to make you take up extra energy and store it in your fat. Why? To generate more leptin so that your leptin can re-establish its personal leptin threshold... It causes you to eat and it causes you to get your leptin back to where it belongs.
The problem is that overweight people have large amounts of leptin, but their brains aren't getting the important signal to stop eating. How come the brain doesn't get it? That phenomenon is called ‘leptin resistance,' Leptin resistance is similar to insulin resistance in type 2 diabetes, in which the pancreas produces large amounts of insulin, but the body doesn't respond to it properly.Leptin levels can keep going higher as people get fatter. We all have a leptin floor; the problem is, we don't have a leptin ceiling. In leptin resistance, your leptin is high, which means you're fat, but your brain can't see it. In other words, your brain is starved, while your body is obese. And that's what obesity is: it's brain starvation. Not only is leptin part of the hunger system, it's also part of the reward system. When your leptin levels are low, food is even more rewarding. When your leptin levels are high, that's supposed to extinguish the reward system so that you don't need to eat so much, and food doesn't look nearly as good. But in leptin-resistant people, the reward system doesn't cue a person to stop eating when leptin levels rise. The leptin is being made by the fat cells, the fat cells are trying to tell the brain, ‘Hey, I don't need to eat so much,' but the brain can't get the signal. You feel hungrier and the reward doesn't get extinguished. It only gets fostered, and so you eat more and you keep going and it becomes a vicious cycle. If your brain can't see the leptin signal, you're going to get obese.
Leptin appears to have many functions that scientists are still exploring. It didn't work as a weight loss agent, but there's now starting to be some other things that are really interesting about it. The hormone plays a role in heart and bone health. We know that leptin is very important in keeping the immune system happy and that chronic inflammation occurs in the face of inadequate leptin signaling, and that's part of cardiovascular disease. We also know that leptin has direct effects on bone to increase bone health and bone mineral density, so when your leptin's working right, your bones are healthier and they accrue more calcium. Scientists are also finding some associations between leptin and certain cancers. For example, some recent research suggests that leptin can promote the growth of melanoma, a type of skin cancer. It may even affect women's fertility. If the brain doesn't sense leptin, you won't be fertile. If you think back to our caveman days, when there were lots of famines, if you didn't have enough fat to survive a pregnancy, then you're better off not getting pregnant in the first place. Some people have thought that the leptin feeds back on the hypothalamus to keep the reproductive hormones working well, too.
Because leptin is a digestible protein that doesn’t enter the bloodstream, it can’t be taken in supplement form. If you were to take it as a pill, it’s just like eating chicken or beef. It’s a protein and your body would just break it up, so you wouldn’t absorb it from a pill. Rather than taking supplements that haven’t been fully proven to help, overweight people have other options to aid leptin functioning, experts say. Reduce resistance to insulin (a hormone that controls blood sugar) and to bring down high levels of triglycerides (a blood lipid). Insulin resistance generates leptin resistance. The practical advice is: Get your insulin down. How do you get insulin down? The best way is don’t let it go up. Sugar makes insulin go up. We are overdosed on sugar in this country. I think that if we got the sugar down, our insulin resistance would improve and that would help with the weight loss. Reducing high triglyceride levels helps, too. Too much triglyceride interferes with leptin’s journey from the blood to the brain via a leptin transporter that allows the hormone into the brain. When you’re insulin-resistant, you have high triglyceride [levels]. That’s one of the hallmarks. Triglyceride seems to block leptin transport into the brain. In order to make your leptin work, you have to let the signaling occur. The only way to let the signaling occur is to get your triglyceride down.
So I'm kinda feeling hopeless right now. I've been on a blood sugar medicine to help my insulin level for almost 4 months now, I've been eating better trying to exercise more and yet my level was way out of the normal range. My doctor just told me to eat healthy and in small portions and that will hopefully help, but that's what I've been doing...and it sure isn't easy when you feel hungry all the time and down right tired. I'm just hoping some way some how things will improve, I don't know how they will but at this point that's all I can do is hope.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

T25 Alpha Speed 1.0 Day


So I did Day 2 which I was wrong it wasn't Lower Focus it was Speed 1.0!

This workout went by super fast, I found it a bit easier than yesterday's workout, and I felt great doing it!

I couldn't believe my HR got so high!! Another good calorie burn too.

Now I marked the box for the past few days as Barely Made It...because its the truth! Yes I did get through the workouts, but I wanna be able to do more of the normal not moderated moves before I say "I Nailed It!"

I also don't plan on posting everyday, I may this week just because its new exercises everyday. 

2 Days Down and 3 More to go this week!

Hoping for some good results on Saturday when I measure and weigh-in!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Day 1 of T25

Woohoo I'm still alive! 

It was tough to keep going but I did and got through the whole 25 minutes:) 

It felt awesome when it was over and I realized I actually did it! I of course did a lot of the modifier moves so I could catch my breath, but I will hopefully get to the point I can go full blast all the time! 

I know Hot Sweat Streams Huh?? I couldn't believe how much I sweated but the more fat the cries the better!

I also thought that was an awesome calorie burn for only 28 minutes (included the warm down). 

So day 1 is completed, feeling really good about it! Nervous for the Lower Focus workout tomorrow, my legs are gonna hurt!!





Sunday, July 14, 2013

Update & New Program

I know it's been awhile since I've updated again. No real excuses for it! 

Health wise I've been doing ok. My thyroid started getting out of whack again but will be going on a higher dosage of meds for it on Monday. Vitamin D was tested again and waiting to hear what that looks like. Everything else is normalizing finally!! 

I've had a slight gain but my doc. said that's its most likely due to my thyroid and just water weight. 3 pounds isn't to big of a gain though so I'm not to worried about it.

Especially since I'm currently watching my new workout program I'm starting Monday! I'm freaking out over it....AAAAAAHHHHHHH!! I'm so excited though. Can you guess what it is?? Here's some hints...

1. It's brand Spankin' New!
2. The instructor is very easy on the eyes;)
3. It only takes 25 minutes!

That's right I'm starting Focus T25!!!! Seriously they are 15 minutes into it and I don't know how I'm ever going to make it through the whole workout. But I know those types of workouts are what makes your body change, so I'm excited over that! 

I have joined a group on Facebook of people who are starting it Monday, most people from MFP but wanted somewhere easier to talk about it. I'm kinda glad it'll be on Facebook. I still like MFP for the convenience of looking up food and some of the people, but it mostly annoys me now. I miss the old days before it got so popular and people were actually considerate in the message boards. Holy Shit, I'm going to die Monday!!!  

But that's the plan for now. Hopefully I can keep my eating under control so I can have some awesome results within the next 10 weeks if I haven't died by then anyways. Oh Shaun T I love you! 

Sorry for the random comments but like I said I've been watching it while I type and its crazy!! 

If I make it through Monday I will post how it goes, otherwise just assume I'm laying down and can't move somewhere about dead! 

**for now I have made it so you can't post comments due to the fact I'd like to keep this blog public and don't wanna be getting creepy messages from complete strangers. If you are new to this blog for some reason and have questions or comments I suggest finding me through MFP my user name is on the side. Thanks!!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

We May Finally Know

Sorry I've been MIA for awhile! We had the flu go through our house a couple weeks ago and then it's been one thing after another. Thankfully through all of it no weight was gained and even a little more shed!!

I have finally lost over 30 pounds! Only 17 to go to just being overweight again:) 

So as I have mentioned in past post I've been dealing with a bunch of medical issues. I've had a couple of doctors appointments in the past few weeks including an ultrasound and my doctor has a theory of what may have happened/happening.

First I'll summarize the past few months with my cycle...

Had my baby middle of July last year

Cycle came in September-November mostly normal

December spotted for three days over Christmas

January-mid April no cycle

End of April-early June bled with only 3 day break.

After the Ultrasound and going through all the blood work I've had done in the past year my doctor's theory is...sometime between December and February I may have miscarried. To him this would be very likely since I was dealing with all the levels in my blood not being normal and my thyroid level being high(which I didn't know about during that time). He thinks however some of the medicine I was on for my blood stopped the embryo/fetus from evacuating but it wasn't developing at all, thus explaining all the 0 hcg test. This could also explain why most my hormone levels have been all wacky too. When I finally was able to go off the blood meds in April and going onto the Metformin it kick started my cycle. With not only starting my cycle but also evacuating the embryo/fetus that is why I bleed for so long. 

There isn't a way to know for sure if that was the case though. The Ultrasound didn't show anything as of Wednesday that would be causing me to have any problems. My hormone levels are all currently in the normal range, this making his theory that much more plausible since they haven't been that way for months. 

Of course with hearing this though I've been a little emotional and it has brought back a lot of the same  things I felt when I had my miscarriage in 2011. There is a lot of fear and worry that comes with it. This time there is a lot of questioning because this isn't a sure thing and theres not a way of knowing that is what happened. So my head has been a mess the past couple of days. I do know, there were in ways, that things could have been a lot worse. Miscarriages are not easy and in no way am I saying they are or am trying to make light of it. I'm just thankful there wasn't anything that showed up on the Ultrasound that was damaging, this way we know we are still able to try and hopefully conceive. When we do start trying my doctor is going to be watching me very closely so we can make sure that hopefully nothing goes wrong, and if by chance it does I know it's because The Lord has a plan for it. I may not know why and may not even get complete answers like right now but I know there is a reason behind it.

Also if I my cycle doesn't regulate within 3 months we will be going on fertility, crossing my fingers my body just finally has figured itself out!

Whew...now that we got the heavy stuff out of the way...
for now I am just going to focus on trying to get healthier! I really want to start one of my DVDs since I've been slacking big time in the workout department, but cant't decided what one. Honestly I just think its because I know the soreness is coming....which is dumb because I know it's good to be sore. Just need to break through the road block I have at the moment! Once I decide what I want to do I'll hopefully get some pictures up!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

NSV Of The Week and Update

This week was an off week for me all around!

But my NSV of the week is:
When I got ready to go to the doctor the other day I actually looked in the mirror and felt ok with how I looked. I had my hair in a pony-tail and usually hate when I do because I feel like my face looks so fat, but that day I felt ok with it.

Now with the update. I had a bad week with eating. We ate out a lot and I didn't make the best choices. I'm going to get back into eating good this next week though and try really hard to not splurge to much.

As for the doctors appointment, I was only able to go to my family doctor this week since the Gyno. Can't get me in until the 10th. Not much has changed with my levels or anything which is good. It was nice to hear I didn't have something new wrong with me! But I am scared that's what I'll be hearing next week since I've had a period for nearly 6 weeks!! Hopefully then they can get it to stop!

That's what's been up this week, hoping for a better week this week!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

NSV Of The Week

I've decided I'm going to try and have some sort of NonScaleVictory each week. Some weeks it maybe something really small since I'm going to do one every week. But I figured it could be a good way to stay motivated!

So this weeks NSV was:

My Dad, Grandma, and Aunt could see that I had lost weight!

I'll be honest, I love to be comfortable. I'll try and dress up a bit when I'm going to be out in public, but when I'm at home I'm usually in a t-shirt and yoga pants. So Friday when I actually got dressed in something nice, I personally didn't think I looked any different. Gotta love how your mind does that! So I went through the day feeling like a cow. When we got to my parents though my dad said he could tell I had lost weight, especially In my face and tummy area. It made me feel really good, my dad usually doesn't say anything about it so it was nice to hear it from him.

Then today my grandma and aunt came up and I got to see them for a minute and they both said that I looked like I had lost. My grandma even grabbed my shirt and said,"This shirt is even lose on ya."  This again made me feel really good! It's nice when people actually can see it. 

I still have a ways to go! And have yet another doctors appointment this next week, I'm hoping I can get a few more answers to some things. 

But that's this weeks NSV, now to look forward to this next week.

Hope everyone has a safe and great Memorial Day Weekend!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Quick Question

I was curious if any of you that follow this blog are on any of the following medication..

Synthroid or its generic

Metformin 

Provera or the generic Medroxypr

I'm curious as to side effects you may have had on any of them or on a combination of them.

I take the Synthroid first thing in the morning, like I was told to. Then I will wait and take the other two at lunch time. And then my vitamins(prenatal, vitamin D3) before bed.

Heres the thing when I take the Metformin and Provera I'll take it and then make my lunch, but by the time my lunch is ready I don't feel hungry and what ever I cook seems completely gross. Which then will lead to me not eating very much through the day because everything doesn't sound appatizing and I just don't feel hungry.

Now don't get me wrong not wanting to eat everything in sight can be a positive thing. It's just that I want to be losing fat not muscle. Knowing if I don't eat I'll lose weight but be a flabby mess doesn't sound attractive to me. And where I'm not exercising a lot, especially compared to what I use to do, I'm really nervous I'm just going to lose a ton of muscle mass. 

Like I said in the last post, I do think a lot of what I have lost has been water weight though. I couldn't believe what my waist looked like today when I was weighing myself, wish my tummy and hips would actually go down I lose from there last though. 

Anyways I'm getting off track...have any of you had similar experiences on these medications or ones similar to them? 

And how do you make yourself eat when you don't feel hungry or when everything sounds gross?

The best way to describe the way I feel after taking the pills is that it's similar to the feeling of morning sickness. Not like you want to puke per say but just that yucky feeling when you are almost thinking maybe if I threw up I'd feel better.
*and I'm not pregnant, so don't suggest that maybe thats the reason, ok..Thanks!

Also while on Provera did you have cramping from your ovary/ovaries? 
Mine are bugging the heck out of me and its just been since I started taking it.

Anyways thanks in advance for any answers or help you give me!!








Damn!

I was going through some of my old feeds on MFP last night and found this picture...
I don't know whether I want to barf or cry when I look at it.

I know to some ppl this would still be considered heavy, but it was the lowest weight I had been at in years. I miss looking that way!!

Over the past few months I've tried really hard to be upbeat and not get down on myself, since I couldn't control a lot of what was going on with my body. It's been really difficult though. 

It's now been 20 months since I actually felt really good. I would go through those first 10 months again, I did get my son out of it! But these last 10 months have been difficult. Not being able to figure out what's going on with your body and not being able to control how your going to feel from day to day has been very frustrating! I mean should I really feel like my body is falling apart at the age of 24?

I'm grateful to have gotten the answers I have about some of the things going on with me, even though I know there is still more to try and find out. I am slowly feeling better, I'm just not a very patient person. 

This picture is also motivating! I know I can lose the weight, because I did it once and I can do it again! 

I'm about half way to my first major goal, which I find exciting! I do think its been a lot of water weight, seems like I am going/running to the bathroom constantly. I am now lower than I was when I had my son last July, I never really lost weight after I had him...so that's another plus! I had really only gained major weight in the last 2 months of my pregnancy which would make that starting to happen a year ago, so I am hoping that at least the next 20 come off pretty quick. I guess we will just have to see though!

Sorry if I sound whiny, I just got depressed seeing this picture. I remember when I took it and feeling like I still was so big and now I would give about anything to be there again. Hopefully with a little time, dedication, and motivation I can get back there!

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Hi Again!

It's been a crazy few months, to say the least! 

In Febuary I was diagnosed with hypo-thyroid

In March found out I was deficient in Vitamin-D

In April I was diagnosed with PCOS

Now in May found out I'm low in progesterone hormone.

It's been one thing after another! I'm hoping and praying that's the end of everything that's wrong. Little tmi but I've been bleeding for about a month now so if the progesterone they put me on doesn't stop it within the next week I've got to go in and have more test done...ugh

Anyways with dealing with all of these I did hit my highest weight again. Which was not only fustrating that I saw that ugly number again, but that I was eating 1300-1500 calories a day and was still gaining like crazy. 

Thankfully with all the meds. I've been put on I'm starting to feel a bit better. The past two months I've been able to mostly maintain my weight with maybe a pound lost here or there.

A few weeks ago after doing some research on the thyroid and PCOS I decided to try and go gluten free. It's been difficult, and I have slipped a couple of times but I'm trying to get use to it! 

With going Gluten Free and the combination of meds. I have now been able to lose 21.2 pounds! Which makes me incredibly happy since I know with the thyroid and PCOS problems it can be very difficult to lose weight. 

I'm hoping to be able to get more exercise in, since its still been difficult for me to get some in. 

My first main goal is to get back into the overweight BMI which is in about 27 pounds. I'm hoping to be there by my sons first birthday in July but alot of it will depend on how my body reacts and me keeping up the dieting and more exercise.

I will hopefully be posting here alot more now that I'm getting back into the swing of things. Thanks for all those who actually still follow me!