I'm excited:)

So today when I weighed it said 194.2 pounds! Which means in 1.4 pounds I will be down a total of 50!! I can't believe I've almost lost 50 pounds, it seems like so much and something I never thought I'd be able to do in 3.5 months. My goal for my B-day was to be down 52 pounds which I think I will most likely reach and maybe even pass. Because according to MFP I should lose at least 2 pounds a week so by then I should be down 4 but hoping to be down 6.8. I got figuring things and to be at my goal by the time I go on vacation in 10 weeks I need to lose 3.4 pounds each week. I'm hoping if i do better with my exercise and keep a close eye on my calories then I will be able to get there. Even if I'm five pounds off I would still be thrilled-the doctor technically only wants me to lose to 165 but I'm pushing for 160.

On MFP there have been a few of my friends and people in the success stories post pictures of them right around 170 and I just think I'd give anything to look that way. I am starting to feel a little comfortable with how I look though. I use to feel so down about myself for my size, but through this I've realized I needed to get there and feel that way so that when I finally decided enough was enough, I never want to get back to that place ever again! Don't get me wrong I've always loved myself but just wasn't happy with what I saw in the mirror. I just saw me with layers upon layers of fat. And now with nearly 50 pounds gone I'm starting to recognize myself without so many layers of fat, and I love it. I do still doubt myself and get scared at times too. When I see the pictures of the girls at 170 and look at myself I don't see how losing 24 pounds going to get me to look that good. I look it the mirror and honestly think I would need to lose another 50 at least. But usually then I remind myself I can't compare me to other people. I am thrilled for the girls who have gotten down to 170 and have kept on going, and they really do inspire me and make me want to get there!! I just have to keep in mind this is for me, and I haven't been that size in a very, very long time. When I think of that I know once I hit 170 and probably even 180 I'm going to feel quite good. And to me I feel like I should be able too, even with 50 pounds gone I should feel like I accomplished some thing! Not alot of people, at least that I know outside of MFP, have ever done that when they need to. I still look at my mom who lost 150 pounds and marvel at how she did it. She didn't have a surgery, or used any weight loss pills or any fad diets she just changed her life style around and lost the weight. And has done such a remarkable job maintaining too. She still works out 2-3 hours a day, she is more lenient with the food but with a work out of 2-3 hours you should be allowed to. If it wasn't for my mom doing what she did I don't think I would care as much about getting healthy. Before she did that we never lived healthy at all we sat on the couch and ate McDonald's most days. But when she started to change it really impacted the rest of us. My dad hasn't gotten to a point yet where he wants to change and I hope one day soon he'll get there, but as for me and my brothers we've all gotten healthier in one way or another. I'm so very grateful for the example my mom gave to us!! I can't wait to be a skinny little women like her!

Well that's enough of my rambling for now! I will post new pictures when I hit the 50 mark!!

And I hope everyone has a great weekend:)

Fell off the Ripped in 30 wagon! Getting back on though:)

So I got to about day 6 of level one and quit. I think it was mostly from lack of sleep and just being busy, but enough with the excuses. I didn't stick with it but this time I will!! I'm going to do 3 days of level one and then probably move on. I'm hoping since I've found some friends on MFP who are doing it that I will be able to stick with it better. So once again here I come Jillian!!
Now for the Easter crap. I really didn't do to bad, but feel like I did. My hubby bought me a Cadbury Chocolate egg that was suppose to be filled with their mini eggs. HAHAHA...there was a whole four in it. But I did eat the whole chocolate egg which alone was 33g. of fat! But I still was under on fat and calories luckily. But I did have Pizza Hut on Saturday and so from that and yesterday I gained .6 back. Thankfully it was only .6, I'm hoping with restarting Ripped it will come off and I'll still be able to lose the extra 2 pounds I should for the week if not more:)
So there is my not so good news from over the weekend, but its a new week and time to hit exercising and staying under my calories hard!! Hope the rest of you had a good weekend, and if you gave in to the yummy gooie temptations of Easter than join me and get back on track this week!

Pictures, and things!

So a few people have been asking for pictures, well here you go:) The first is of me in the jeans I started out in, they were a size 18 and the 12's I wear now are starting to get lose! The second one is of me in my junior size 11 capri's with one of my new shirts. I have a little muffin top but the shirt camouflages it pretty well, but I think it makes me look a little bigger. I'm hoping by my B-day it will fit really well:)

As I mentioned in my last post we had taken my son to the doctor, but I forgot to bring up that while we were their I had my hubby look to see how tall I was. I hadn't taken my height since I was 16 when i went to get my license. Well since then I have grown 3/4 of an inch! Which is a nice little boost because it helps on the BMI charts. Being 5'7.75" at 195.4 I am now not considered obese anymore!!!:) I was so thrilled when I stepped on the scale that brings me to a total lose of 47.4 pounds. I have a friend on MFP that made a BMI graph of her weight loss and after looking at it I loved the idea so I decided to make one too. It includes starting weight, half-way mark, my final goal, one-derland, and the marks for the over-weight and healthy BMI marks for me with the weights when I will hit them. Its still weird to me to think I am under 200, I find when I am going to type my weight in I always hit the 2 first.
I also had my doctor's appointment Thursday. My blood pressure was normal again:) and he thinks I'll be able to lose another 10 pounds this month. I am hoping I will be able to, but it makes nervous because to me it seems the weight is not coming off as quick as it use to, which I realize is normal. I am going to try my hardest to lose the 10 pounds though if not more. Well that is all for now:)

45 down in 3 months!! and SHOPPING SPREE

Yesterday was my 3 month mark and when I weighed it was -45 pounds on the dot!! I was also able to hit my goal of losing all my baby weight by my son's birthday:) I was sure happy and I even resisted cake and ice cream that day! I was so sick of looking at icing after decorating his cakes every time I thought about having a piece it made me feel sick. Today I weighed in and was at -45.6 which leaves me with 37.4 to lose.
Also my hubby being the sweet guy he is spoiled me yesterday. It is still pretty cold here, but there have been like 2 days that have been nice and sunny, so I've been getting my spring/summer clothes out. Well they all drowned me! I have a few t-shirts from Old Navy that I normally wear to bed or workout in that I now have to wear during the warm days because I sweat so bad in anything else. My son had to go have his 12 month shots so while we were there my husband took me shopping. He said I need to get some clothes for the warm weather since he has noticed everything is to big, and I could get whatever I wanted but can't have any of it till my birthday on the 12th. This made my day!! Especially knowing he has realized some of the changes. I'm very casual with my clothing. If I have somewhere nice to go or anything like that I like to get dressed up and look really nice, but if not its jeans and a t-shirt. One of my favorite store is Aeropostale I love their graphic tee's! I don't think I've shopped there since my honeymoon and mostly because I couldn't fit into anything. I had a coupon for $25 off a purchase of $100. So I decided to go there. I wasn't to sure on the sizes and what I would need but my hubby told me to get larges. I also got him a few shirts too. We ended up getting 5 shirts each and saved $150 while spending $80!! I don't like trying on things at stores it creeps me out, so when I got home I tried them on and they are tight but not like skin tight, so I fell ok wearing them. We also went back to Shopko and I bought some more shorts and capri's it wasn't till I got home that I noticed they weren't the same brand as my others pair I bought last week. I bought 10's and 8's since my other's fit at a 10. The 10's in this brand I can get on but are tight and make me have serious muffin top! And the 8's I could get up over my hips and butt but even laying down and sucking in I was barely able to button them. I hadn't tried on my first pairs of goal capri's in a while and decided to try them on then. I was able to get them on, button, and zip them up!!! Where they are low rise they still make me have a little muffin top but I'm hoping to be able to feel comfortable wearing them by my B-day. My hubby kept telling me how good they looked on, which made me feel good to. So since I can now get the capri's on that last month I couldn't even get over my butt, I decided to keep the 8's. I think if I can lose another 20 pounds they will most likely fit or maybe (dreaming here) be loose. After that we went to Hollister and I got 6 shirts there! About 3 years ago was the last time I shopped there and weighed about the same as I do know and their larges barely fit. But from what MFP says I should be down another 10 in another month so hoping they will fit really good. I could have bought all they had, everything was so cute, but they are pricer from what I usually spend. Thankfully most the one's I bought were in clearance for around $7.00 each, again YAY for saving money. I think there we saved about $80 there and only spent $50. And of course we had to go to Old Navy!! Since I bought shirts there last week I didn't end up getting to many things I got a pair of capri's and 2 shirts. But my hubby got 4 pairs of shorts and 3 shirts. And we found a few cute things for our little guy too. We saved $70 and spent $60. Over all it was a good shopping day!! We spent about $270 but saved $450!!***Sorry I know alot of you could probably careless about what I spent and saved but since if I put anything about spending money or my weight loss on my other blog people start freaking out this is the place I get to be excited about it!!***
I have my doctor's appointment on Thursday hoping my blood pressure will be lower again this time. It was high again last month and I want it to be lower!!
Also for week one of Ripped in 30 I have lost 2.85inches:) I also needed a new belt I bought a large because thats about what a 12 is considered, got it home and it was to big!! So I had to exchange it for a small/medium. When I put it on I got it to the second hole:) I can't believe it. I also noticed my pants are getting bigger in the thighs and a little around my waist. I love the way I am feeling lately. Today when I woke up and walked into the bathroom to do my business and weigh I had to do a double take in the mirror I couldn't believe how my tummy looked. I've been bloated for the past week and a half due to TOM so today when that had went away it was awesome to see the results:) I'm hoping for a good loss this week again! I have alot of new clothes to get into and I want to look awesome in them I think that's motivating me more than anything right now- oh and getting into my swimsuits:)

A size 10??

I'm sorry but first off I am quite proud of myself today! I burned 1658 calories and had a total of 140minutes of exercise!! That's definitely a record for me:)

Some of that exercise was shopping! I usually don't count it but today I was sweating the whole time, so I figured it counted plus my HRM showed my heart rate was up. Anyways in the Shopko ad (I honestly have no Idea if there are Shopko's outside of Utah, if there isn't its a department store) they said how they had their Bermuda shorts and capri's on sale. I went there and of course the capri's I wanted they didn't have my size or the color I wanted. I looked at the Bermuda shorts but I haven't worn shorts in years!! I figured well in about ten pounds I'll be the skinniest I have been in a very long time I should be able to wear shorts by summer! I bought a pair for $15 in a size 10. I never try things on at the store, and I figured they'd fit by June. Well when I got home I put them on to see how far i was from fitting into them. And they buttoned and zipped up with no problem & no muffin top!! Now my thighs don't look the greatest in them but still I can fit into a ten!! I don't even remember the last time I fit into any size ten!! I know I couldn't go into to another store and buy a 10 and fit into them. Because Old navy Jeans and the one's I buy at Sam's at a size 12 are still kinda tight. But at least in one brand I can fit into a ten!! I then went into Old Navy which as most know by now I LOVE that store!! I bought 10 new shirts in either a large or medium. I can fit into most of their larges right now so I'm hoping to lose enough to wear the mediums with in a couple months. I of course had a coupon and so for all 10 shirts plus 2 shirts & the cutest pair of shoes for my little boy I only spent $35!!!! Can't beat that.

I hit my 3 month mark on Monday! It doesn't seem like its been that long. I'm hoping by then to be down 45-48 pounds. I had that 5lb. gain over the weekend which only 1.5 has come off but dear aunt flow came to visit so I'm hoping it will start coming off again. I can't see how a person can gain 5 lbs. overnight. Once I can get that fully off if I can lose another 1-3 pounds will be wonderful and make my doctor proud once again:) My Birthday is in 27 days and my original goal was to be down 52 pounds, I'm hoping to at least be at 55!

I'll shut up now since I've just kinda been rambling off. I was just so excited about the shorts I wanted to share!!

P.S.: Jillian is Satan! But I think I like Ripped more than I did the Shred!

Day 1 of *Ripped in 30*

Oh my HELL! Jillian Micheal's you are once again my enemy! After procrastinating for a week and a half I decided to finally get my butt back in gear(of course after eating like a pig) and start doing "Ripped." I can't decide if its harder than level 1 of the "Shred" was or if its just because I'm use to some of the moves. It still kick my arse!! She says it was only 20 minutes which the "Shred" was suppose to be but it would be about 25 with the warm up and cool down, "Ripped" however was about 30 minutes with those. Still isn't bad considering in that time I was able to burn 463 calories!! I'm excited that each level is only 7 days instead of 10 with this one though. By day ten with "Shred" I was so sick of listening to Jillian say the same thing. Hopefully it won't get that bad.

Now as for my messed up body! From Saturday morning to Sunday morning I gained 5 POUNDS!! How does that happen?? I'm thinking its mostly water weight, I didn't sleep well that night and then last night I had a horrible headache and this morning I was down .6 that and I was lacking on the water this weekend. But I need to now lose 6 pounds to be at my goal for Saturday! Hoping "Ripped" will make it so I can do it. And to make it that much worse I went back into the dreaded 200's :s URG!!! On a positive note its a new week, I'm going to kick my butt this week and eat better than I did last week!

It has been nice because the last twice I have seen one of my Grandma's she has told me how good I'm looking! It boost my self-esteem up alot, she use to always make comments about me not being thin so to now be getting compliments is nice!

So "Ripped" here I come!! Hoping to get some good results again:) Come back in 29 days to see the progress! (or before hand I'm sure there will be more post)

Its finally official!!!

I finally hit 199 today!!! I'm so happy and excited. I even scared my little boy after I weighed because I jump and yelped in glee:) I'm so proud of myself to get to this point!! I've wanted to weigh at least what I did before I got pregnant by my sons birthday and it looks like that's going to happen or at least I hope. I have 8 days to lose 2 pounds. I just feel so good right now. I don't mean to gloat, I'm just so excited!! Its been almost 2 years since I was in the 100's so I'm celebrating!! Thank you all for all your support and encouragement, you all keep me going!!

Non-Scale Victories

Today when I weighed the scale said I only have .4 pounds to lose to be in one-derland. Of course I was thrilled!! As the day went on I found myself not eating very good things. The biggest one being graham crackers with frosting in the middle!! I've been trying very hard to figure out what has caused me to gain all this weight. Yes I know eating everything in sight was what caused it, but the emotional part I've never really figured out. I sat down and started thinking back to the times when I have lost weight and tried to remember the times when I would fall off the wagon, and ultimately when the weight start to pour on for the first time. I knew I started gaining weight when I hit puberty, but it wasn't just a little bit and I ate like crap too. As I started to remember things the times I would gain were times of great stress, or when I was scared of failing. Before the age of 12-13 I was never really heavy, I was tall for my age peaking at 12 and at that time being taller than most the boys in my grade. But I wouldn't have thought of myself as big, overweight, or fat. By the time I was 13 I had put on some weight I was 150-160ish pounds and when your that age girls start being dumb and judgie. So I always thought I was so huge! That same year my grandfather who I was extremely close with, he was pretty much what I considered my dad growing up-no offense to my dad, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was very advanced and they only gave him 6 months to live. I was devastated! Thinking back I think around that time is when I started to emotional eat and take comfort in food. I also remembered from that point times where my grandma on the other side would make comments about my size, height, and overall how I looked, and how cousins of mine weren't the way I was so they were better. It really bugged me and made me so upset and sad so I would comfort myself with candy and junk food. Then I remembered being in the the 8th grade and went in for a meeting with the counselor where they map out your plan for classes and what you wanna be when you get older. I had set my classes for the next 4 year pretty high and was going to have a ton of college credits by the time I graduated. The counselor told me I was crazy and that I would never be able to do it. I was able to stick with my pan for the first few years of high school, but when I started being involved with sports I didn't stick with it and wasn't able to take the classes I wanted or didn't get the grades I wanted. I started feeling like a failure and thus once again finding comfort in food. Being involved with managing sports in high school I think helped me to lose a little weight and I really liked it. Senior year came and started with a bang our football team which I managed took state, it was the biggest highlight for me in high school!! I even got a ring:) After that things started to go down hill, my dad lost his job and when I applied to the school I wanted to go to my financial aid info. got all mixed up and they weren't able to process it in time to start in the fall. I fell to pieces after that and felt awful about my life, my self, and just me! The 20-30 pounds I lost during high school made its way back on in a few months. Then winter came and I moved out and went to school, and had amazing roommates that strived to be health and helped me so much. I moved home that summer and meet my husband after our wedding I gained about 30lbs. I decided to diet and lost that weight and then found out I was pregnant-6 months into my pregnancy I said to heck with it and ate whatever I wanted. Remembering back to all those times, I did find alot of it was I was trying to comfort myself because of certain events. I also found when I would lose weight there was something else that would happen. As I got pondering about it even more I found I would lose around 30 pounds or to around 200lbs. or alittle under and quit! I'd get to that point and start eating the ways I did before. First thing that came to my mind was I must have just felt comfortable with myself at that point. But even at 200lbs. I never thought I looked good or felt good about myself. As I dug deeper and remembering my feelings I came to the conclusion that I would quit because I thought I wouldn't get to my goals and finish the processes. So I figured I've lost this much so far its a decent amount and I look ok, so instead of working harder and proving people wrong I'll just stop now so I don't fail. This way I've lost some and look better than I did so thats good enough. As I was thinking this I realized I'm starting to kinda fall into that train of thought and becoming comfortable with myself. I'm eating things that I shouldn't be-most are still in moderation but it takes everything I have to just stop at one or a couple. And my exercising since I stopped the 30 day Shred as been horrible. I'm still losing but not really trying to. As I sat and realized this I told myself you are not going to do this again!! Stop eating all this S*I* and get yourself together. You know how people looked at you 42 pounds ago, and how horrible you felt don't go back to that. Keep moving forward you just have to lose what you already have again. You proved you can lose 42 pounds and thats all you have to lose again. Keep with it!! That was the moment I knew this time was different!! I've never pushed myself this hard, or believed in myself enough to keep with it. This time I will. There's no way I am giving up on this. I'm sure I will have other things come up about times when I gained and things I felt and did, I'll worry about those when it happens for now I am happy to have realized this and get over this hurdle. So yes I consider this a NSV! Sorry its so long! I also had another NSV today. I realized when I got out of the shower that I can actually wrap the towel all the way around me! Before I could around my chest but from there the towel just V out. Today it didn't do that it took me by surprise:) Another good note for the day, we bought another car!! I'm in love with it too. It's a 2007 white dodge caliber. That only has 45,000 miles on it and get awesome gas mileage. It has some awesome features too. It's going to be so nice to have my own car again, instead of trying to schedule walks and to go do things around my husbands crazy schedule. I know most will probably think you can walk from around your neighborhood for walks but my neighborhood creeps me out!!

Swimsuits,Pressing On, & Halfway?

Like I said in my last post the past few weeks have been rough without much weight loss. For about 2 & 1/2 weeks I just went back and forth between 38.2 and 39.6 pounds lost and no matter what I did I couldn't get through the 40lb. barrier. This week I will admit hasn't been my best with exercising. I did get in some sort of exercise 5 out of 7 days but I just felt like crap because it wasn't what I normally do. Friday morning I woke up to a loss which put me at 40lbs. lost!! I was so excited. I was high on calories Wednesday and then low on Thursday and then repeated it again Friday and Saturday, and Sunday I had another pound lose!! Which now I only have .4 to lose to be HALF WAY!! I'm super stoked. Plus in 1.8 pounds I will hit One-derland, which I wanted to be at the first of April, but I hope I can hit it this week. Little nervous though because TOM is suppose to start today YUCK!! I also can't figure out for the life of me why I am so sore. I didn't start the Ripped in 30 yet, and did the elliptical 2 nights ago but it never makes me sore. The last two days have been miserable though, I can't squat down, walk, cross my legs, or seems like anything without my butt and and back of my legs killing me. I have no idea what has caused it either. I'm hoping it will ease up soon so I can start Ripped and get back into my regular routine again.

I have a little less than 14 weeks until our vacation we are going on! Which would mean to hit my goal by then I would need to lose just under 3 pounds a week. Lately I've been lucky if I lose a whole 2! I'm hoping knowing we will be in the pool constantly especially in horribly hot temperatures will keep me motivated. There's nothing I want more right now than to be able to look awesome when we go. The other day I took my husband to school(luxury of only having one car-hoping that will change soon) and then I went to a few stores. Here in good'ole Utah we have a store that sells awesome cami's and tees. They are long and oh so comfy. I ran in to get a couple because the ones I have are starting wear out. As I walked in the door they had the cutest swimming suits! I have a weakness for swim suits, not sure why as I look horrible in them and have always wore cover-ups over them! So I glanced over at them and then went to go pick out the shirts I wanted. I then went back and looked at them, they were all so cute. I fell in love with all 6 they had, the prices not so much. $48 for the top and $26 for the bottom. To me that's just outrageous! I always buy mine off clearance/sales racks and at the most probably spent $20 on a suit before. As I was standing there in utter shock over the prices, one of the workers came over to me and said they were running a special where if you bought the top you got the bottom for free, plus the tops were 30% off too. So for the set it was around $33. I also remembered I had an email with a 50% off my purchase there and asked if there was a way they could take it off my phone and the lady said yes. Now my hubby decided to walk there from school, and got there right about then. I of course checked with him to see if it was ok. Lets be honest he pretty much lets me get whatever I want!! (He's awesome!) I asked him what one he liked the most, he said he he like all but 2 and it was mostly because they were solid colors. He then saw the price tags and started to giving me grief and couldn't believe I'd be willing to spend $74 on a swimming suit. I explained the sale and my coupon and he relaxed. He asked me how much each one would cost I figured it out and it was about $17 for the set. He's like well just get all 4 its about the same price for one at regular price and your going to need them for Cali. since your others are going to be too big!! (Such a sweety!) So with that plus the shirts I bought it was about $80 total:) with a savings of $246. I love..Love...LOVE it when I save more than I spend especially on cute things.

So I bought the tops in mediums :s I fit into most large shirts right now so I'm hoping by July I will look decent in a medium. The bottoms I bought in a large, my hips are being stubborn and being the slowest part of my body to lose. So I figured better safe than sorry. I'm hoping these will keep me motivated to keep up with everything too. The thing I want the most right now is to look smokin' when we go! I've lost 41 in 11 weeks, hoping I can lose that much in the next 14. I know its going to be alot harder, but I want it bad!!

Here are some pictures of what my swim suits look like! Of course I'm not the super tiny model in them