Exercising=Therapy

I've always heard people say how they like to exercise because its their therapy or meditation time, I however have never really thought about it that way. I like to exercise, usually anyways, but I never thought about it as "me time". Tonight I FINALLY felt that it was! I've had a few hard weeks with alot of family stuff going on and just have been really stressed out, when I'd exercise I would usually get some frustration out but never really thought about things. I think tonight was different because I was able just to go walking by myself! I usually go with my mom or a friend and usually have my little boy, but tonight it was just me. It was honestly so nice! I love going with my mom and my friend since its really the only time I get to actually talk to them for more than 5 minutes. But tonight being by myself at sunset walking around the track without anyone else around was exactly what I needed. It gave me time just to think. I blocked all the stressful stuff out and just focused on me for a minute. I thought about the how far I have come...and I don't mean that bragging-ly! But tonight I was able to do 2 miles in about 25 minutes, when I started I could barely walk 2 miles in 50 minutes. I had put on a old shirt that use to be pretty snug on it was a XXL and it was falling off my shoulders the whole time I walked and was so baggy, the pants i was wearing use to cut into me and make it so I couldn't stand wearing them...sad thing is they have an elastic waist band...and tonight they weren't falling off but felt so big in the legs I felt like I had bell bottoms on. I haven't noticed clothes being to big in awhile due to me being plateaued for so long, so tonight it was nice to actually see it. I was also able just to think about what I need to do to stick to my exercise programs and keep eating the right way. I had a small victory yesterday when it came to food. I am always, always over on my sugar! I've never had a day where I was under or at the number its suppose to be at until yesterday! I was 15 grams UNDER!! I know it was mostly because of all the working out I did yesterday but I've had days like that before and would always be above my sugar limit. I was pretty proud of myself for being under! I need to have more days like that.

I was so grateful to have a night like tonight where I could just think about the things that I want and need to do for me, not for selfish reasons, but to make sure I stay healthy. One of the things that had me worrying was my grandma had to have 3 stints put in her heart...the doctor said she could have easily had a heart attack at any moment and that she was lucky she hadn't had one. He said even if she would have had anything like french fries or ice cream it could have given her one and she probably would have died. It made me sick to hear that! But I'm so grateful they were able to fix the problem!! Its scary to me because when doctors have me fill out my family history with all the different diseases and the little box by them all your suppose to check if you have family history of it, well heart problems was the only box I didn't have to check last time, and now that has changed! Between my mom's family and my dad's I have every single type of disease or condition they list in my family history...It scares the hell out of me!! I want nothing more to live a long healthy life and to be able to watch my son and possible future kids grow up! It gives me that motivation I have needed to step it up a notch and get out of my funk.

Skinny Jeans

I decided to order some skinny jeans last week...I'm a big online shopper so I always run the risk of ordering the wrong size. I ordered them from Walmart.com, since I'm still losing I don't like to go a spend a ton on clothes since I figure they'll probably get to big. For being from Walmart they are super cute especially for $16! They got here yesterday and I was able to get them on lol but they are still really tight around the waist, which creates an awesome muffin top! I think in about 10 pounds or so I'll be able to wear them comfortably. Yay for more motivation!! I'm hoping by Halloween I will be able to wear them. I also got my costume and it fit like a charm, it kinda surprised me since its a medium...i still can't believe in must things I wear a medium! The scale has finally stating moving down again lol still not back down to 70 pounds down yet but I'll get there:) and hopefully even more. I restarted my Hybrid yesterday and woke up today from my sore abs. Love that feeling! Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up...Thanks to everyone for all your encouraging words while I've been struggling! I really appreciate it:)

Stuck In A Rut!

I'm getting mad at myself. I can't seem to stop eating crap. And I need to! I know its the reason I haven't been losing and yet I keep shoving my face full of stuff that isn't good for me. I've been around this same weight give or take a few pounds since the end of June. I know most of the reason has been because I got comfortable. With people telling me I looked good and commenting on how much I've lost. I also got comfortable with the fact I'm in a size I can't never remember being. But even though I'm comfortable knowing those things I can't let it make me stop and throw it all away! I set a goal to lose 85ish pounds for a reason. I just need to start refocusing myself on that. I've been able to maintain at 4 pounds up from my lowest weigh-in...I'm grateful I've been able to at least do that. I am going to to reset my ticker to reflect my gain, I'm hoping that will help give me some motivation to get it back moving again. Along with eating better I need to stick to my exercise. I have exercised some this week but it feels like I have taken the week off, I'm hoping since it hasn't been alot when I start back up I'll see a lose. I know it may not be for a couple of weeks due to the fact CLX makes me so sore but I so badly want this weight off!!! I just need to focus on that instead of everything else going on in my head.