I've always heard people say how they like to exercise because its their therapy or meditation time, I however have never really thought about it that way. I like to exercise, usually anyways, but I never thought about it as "me time". Tonight I FINALLY felt that it was! I've had a few hard weeks with alot of family stuff going on and just have been really stressed out, when I'd exercise I would usually get some frustration out but never really thought about things. I think tonight was different because I was able just to go walking by myself! I usually go with my mom or a friend and usually have my little boy, but tonight it was just me. It was honestly so nice! I love going with my mom and my friend since its really the only time I get to actually talk to them for more than 5 minutes. But tonight being by myself at sunset walking around the track without anyone else around was exactly what I needed. It gave me time just to think. I blocked all the stressful stuff out and just focused on me for a minute. I thought about the how far I have come...and I don't mean that bragging-ly! But tonight I was able to do 2 miles in about 25 minutes, when I started I could barely walk 2 miles in 50 minutes. I had put on a old shirt that use to be pretty snug on it was a XXL and it was falling off my shoulders the whole time I walked and was so baggy, the pants i was wearing use to cut into me and make it so I couldn't stand wearing them...sad thing is they have an elastic waist band...and tonight they weren't falling off but felt so big in the legs I felt like I had bell bottoms on. I haven't noticed clothes being to big in awhile due to me being plateaued for so long, so tonight it was nice to actually see it. I was also able just to think about what I need to do to stick to my exercise programs and keep eating the right way. I had a small victory yesterday when it came to food. I am always, always over on my sugar! I've never had a day where I was under or at the number its suppose to be at until yesterday! I was 15 grams UNDER!! I know it was mostly because of all the working out I did yesterday but I've had days like that before and would always be above my sugar limit. I was pretty proud of myself for being under! I need to have more days like that.
I was so grateful to have a night like tonight where I could just think about the things that I want and need to do for me, not for selfish reasons, but to make sure I stay healthy. One of the things that had me worrying was my grandma had to have 3 stints put in her heart...the doctor said she could have easily had a heart attack at any moment and that she was lucky she hadn't had one. He said even if she would have had anything like french fries or ice cream it could have given her one and she probably would have died. It made me sick to hear that! But I'm so grateful they were able to fix the problem!! Its scary to me because when doctors have me fill out my family history with all the different diseases and the little box by them all your suppose to check if you have family history of it, well heart problems was the only box I didn't have to check last time, and now that has changed! Between my mom's family and my dad's I have every single type of disease or condition they list in my family history...It scares the hell out of me!! I want nothing more to live a long healthy life and to be able to watch my son and possible future kids grow up! It gives me that motivation I have needed to step it up a notch and get out of my funk.
